Dear Mia,
It's been a little while since an update. I haven't written much, but that isn't to say we haven't been busy, because we have been working so very hard. I kind of chuckle, because a family friend called on Sunday to ask if I was dead, because no one had seen or heard anything out of me for a while. But we've been here all along, working and fighting through our adjustment period.
I will be honest, your adjustment has been more challenging that your mommy or I expected. Saying nothing about the jet lag — which I think we have pretty much overcome — helping you find peace and comfort has been much more than a full-time job. Every sight, sound, smell, and sensation is different here than from where you came. The ticking of the clocks. The whirling of the fans. The air conditioner compressor starting. All of it is part of our everyday background noise, but to you, it is the sound of the earth quaking and jet engines roaring. And that's about right. Thinking of your life with us in reverse, it was the sound of the engines from three different jets lifting you away from everything you every knew and breaking your heart. Now here you are with us, in our home, on the other side of the world, and trying to find your place. Mommy, Ethan, your friends, family, and I crafted it for you, but now you're striving to learn how you fit into it. And that's ok.
All of these mega changes in your life go to show what a big world we live in, don't they? So our job is to shrink it for you so you can get comfortable, build some trust in us, and gain confidence in yourself so we all can grow together. There is some evidence that this is working. Now that we have even a little bit of experience behind us, mommy and I are better able set some limits in your life. We're getting better at picking our battles, and admittedly picking a few fights, but we just can't compromise on you going to sleep, taking a bath, or grabbing an item you want that is clearly in your reach. Setting these limits and helping you grow is possible because your world is smaller and all of our energy is focused on helping you adjust to your new family. This phase is called the cocooning period, and I can see with far greater clarity just how critical it is. That is what we are doing right now.
The idea of cocooning comes from nature, and primarily that of the caterpillar becoming a butterfly. The caterpillar weaves a cocoon and then enters it for a period of two weeks to a couple months (depending on the season and location) to transform into a beautiful butterfly. It is an amazing metamorphosis that takes place when you see the creature that breaks forth from the cocoon in light of the one that goes into it.
The cocooning phase is dramatically important for you and our family, and we have sacrificed quite a bit to make it possible. We are committing all of our time and energy to helping you bond with your family, Mia. I talked a lot about your home, your pets, your family, and friends. It didn't take long for mommy and me to see just how overwhelming all of this is for you. So as of writing this, after being home a little more than a week, you have barely seen half of your house. You haven't seen your room yet, or even the playroom. We brought down a few toys to the den and placed your toddler bed in our room. You have been in the kitchen, living room, foyer, master bed and bathroom. You've also spent a little time in the backyard, but other than that, we are keeping your new world small. We are truly devoting all of our time and energy to our cocoon and the transformations that are occurring within. And talk about transformations!
You are sleeping better.
Your appetite has normalized.
Your temper tantrums (though still epic at times) are diminishing in number and duration.
You're exploring the house now and are not nearly as fazed by the sights, sounds, smells, and sensations.
You are responding to your new name.
And you are showing signs of comprehending language and making the gradual switch from Mandarin to English.
Mia, transformation is occurring in your life! It is amazing to behold. It has been a lot of hard work — stressful days and sleepless nights — but the metamorphosis that is beginning in your life is evident. I can deal with going days without sleeping, showering, or shaving when I hear you call out "mama" or "daddy", reach out for a hug, or let out your adorable giggle when discovering something new. It has not been easy — at all — but it is worth it.
So I'm forced to reflect upon the cocoon. I must overcome my own grimacing and find great joy in the fact I haven't brushed my hair in two days, shaved in four, and am sporting some mysterious stain on my right shoulder. For when you break down into a tear-soaked rampage and come to your mom and dad for comfort, or start dancing through the living room in a spontaneous display of pure joy, I see glimpses of how beautiful the transformation truly is that is happening in your life. And when we emerge from the cocoon as a family in a few weeks, I have a feeling that the metamorphosis will be evident in more than just you, because all of us are being changed, too.
I know from being a student of human nature that change is not easy. It can be painful, scary, and heart breaking, yet I see how you are adjusting to the changes in your life and can hear your little voice say, "Good, good, good, good" (starting loudly and diminishing in volume and intensity). I know that the changes taking place in your life are re-creating us all, even though it's hard work. But I love it, and I love you, so it's more than worth it.
Another truth about the cocoon is the struggle that takes place within before the butterfly can emerge. This struggle is what strengthens the butterfly's wings and body so it can thrive outside the cocoon. Some might be uncomfortable with this struggle, but it is critically important for the wellbeing of the butterfly. The same is true for you. We have experienced some struggles while in the cocoon, especially in the midst of an epic temper tantrum, but mommy and I both know this is a critically important stage for you — and our whole family, for that matter — as we overcome where we have been to become what God has designed.
So as I still ruminate over what in the world this smear is on my right shoulder, I watch you take another bite of a waffle and bring me a piece to share. We've been through a lot together in just a little more than three short weeks, and there is a little bit of change in you each and every day. I look forward to the time when you are able to fully emerge from the cocoon, spread your wings, and show the world the beauty I get to witness day and night in the transformation that is occurring in you. And me. And in all of our family.
But we still have a lot of work to do, so it's time to dive back in to the cocoon...unkempt hair, unshaven face, mysteriously stained shoulder and all.
Love,
Dad
It's been a little while since an update. I haven't written much, but that isn't to say we haven't been busy, because we have been working so very hard. I kind of chuckle, because a family friend called on Sunday to ask if I was dead, because no one had seen or heard anything out of me for a while. But we've been here all along, working and fighting through our adjustment period.
I will be honest, your adjustment has been more challenging that your mommy or I expected. Saying nothing about the jet lag — which I think we have pretty much overcome — helping you find peace and comfort has been much more than a full-time job. Every sight, sound, smell, and sensation is different here than from where you came. The ticking of the clocks. The whirling of the fans. The air conditioner compressor starting. All of it is part of our everyday background noise, but to you, it is the sound of the earth quaking and jet engines roaring. And that's about right. Thinking of your life with us in reverse, it was the sound of the engines from three different jets lifting you away from everything you every knew and breaking your heart. Now here you are with us, in our home, on the other side of the world, and trying to find your place. Mommy, Ethan, your friends, family, and I crafted it for you, but now you're striving to learn how you fit into it. And that's ok.
All of these mega changes in your life go to show what a big world we live in, don't they? So our job is to shrink it for you so you can get comfortable, build some trust in us, and gain confidence in yourself so we all can grow together. There is some evidence that this is working. Now that we have even a little bit of experience behind us, mommy and I are better able set some limits in your life. We're getting better at picking our battles, and admittedly picking a few fights, but we just can't compromise on you going to sleep, taking a bath, or grabbing an item you want that is clearly in your reach. Setting these limits and helping you grow is possible because your world is smaller and all of our energy is focused on helping you adjust to your new family. This phase is called the cocooning period, and I can see with far greater clarity just how critical it is. That is what we are doing right now.
The idea of cocooning comes from nature, and primarily that of the caterpillar becoming a butterfly. The caterpillar weaves a cocoon and then enters it for a period of two weeks to a couple months (depending on the season and location) to transform into a beautiful butterfly. It is an amazing metamorphosis that takes place when you see the creature that breaks forth from the cocoon in light of the one that goes into it.
The cocooning phase is dramatically important for you and our family, and we have sacrificed quite a bit to make it possible. We are committing all of our time and energy to helping you bond with your family, Mia. I talked a lot about your home, your pets, your family, and friends. It didn't take long for mommy and me to see just how overwhelming all of this is for you. So as of writing this, after being home a little more than a week, you have barely seen half of your house. You haven't seen your room yet, or even the playroom. We brought down a few toys to the den and placed your toddler bed in our room. You have been in the kitchen, living room, foyer, master bed and bathroom. You've also spent a little time in the backyard, but other than that, we are keeping your new world small. We are truly devoting all of our time and energy to our cocoon and the transformations that are occurring within. And talk about transformations!
You are sleeping better.
Your appetite has normalized.
Your temper tantrums (though still epic at times) are diminishing in number and duration.
You're exploring the house now and are not nearly as fazed by the sights, sounds, smells, and sensations.
You are responding to your new name.
And you are showing signs of comprehending language and making the gradual switch from Mandarin to English.
Mia, transformation is occurring in your life! It is amazing to behold. It has been a lot of hard work — stressful days and sleepless nights — but the metamorphosis that is beginning in your life is evident. I can deal with going days without sleeping, showering, or shaving when I hear you call out "mama" or "daddy", reach out for a hug, or let out your adorable giggle when discovering something new. It has not been easy — at all — but it is worth it.
So I'm forced to reflect upon the cocoon. I must overcome my own grimacing and find great joy in the fact I haven't brushed my hair in two days, shaved in four, and am sporting some mysterious stain on my right shoulder. For when you break down into a tear-soaked rampage and come to your mom and dad for comfort, or start dancing through the living room in a spontaneous display of pure joy, I see glimpses of how beautiful the transformation truly is that is happening in your life. And when we emerge from the cocoon as a family in a few weeks, I have a feeling that the metamorphosis will be evident in more than just you, because all of us are being changed, too.
I know from being a student of human nature that change is not easy. It can be painful, scary, and heart breaking, yet I see how you are adjusting to the changes in your life and can hear your little voice say, "Good, good, good, good" (starting loudly and diminishing in volume and intensity). I know that the changes taking place in your life are re-creating us all, even though it's hard work. But I love it, and I love you, so it's more than worth it.
Another truth about the cocoon is the struggle that takes place within before the butterfly can emerge. This struggle is what strengthens the butterfly's wings and body so it can thrive outside the cocoon. Some might be uncomfortable with this struggle, but it is critically important for the wellbeing of the butterfly. The same is true for you. We have experienced some struggles while in the cocoon, especially in the midst of an epic temper tantrum, but mommy and I both know this is a critically important stage for you — and our whole family, for that matter — as we overcome where we have been to become what God has designed.
So as I still ruminate over what in the world this smear is on my right shoulder, I watch you take another bite of a waffle and bring me a piece to share. We've been through a lot together in just a little more than three short weeks, and there is a little bit of change in you each and every day. I look forward to the time when you are able to fully emerge from the cocoon, spread your wings, and show the world the beauty I get to witness day and night in the transformation that is occurring in you. And me. And in all of our family.
But we still have a lot of work to do, so it's time to dive back in to the cocoon...unkempt hair, unshaven face, mysteriously stained shoulder and all.
Love,
Dad
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