Conflict is a very real part of life. It always has been.
From the time we’re children fighting over toys to adults clamoring for
significance, we seem to always find ourselves in conflict. We’d like to think
that accepting Christ into our hearts would bring a dramatic drop to the kinds
and amounts of conflict we face, but it does not. If anything they go up
because now attacks are not only coming from others but Satan who wants nothing
more than knock us down so we are serving him and not God Almighty. So what are
we to do?
Fortunately, the Bible has a wealth of knowledge and
advice on handling conflict. First, we need to understand the origin of
conflict. There are countless reasons for conflict. Some of the most common
include pride, greed, and anger. “Pride leads to arguments” (Proverbs 13.10)
“Greed causes fighting. (Proverbs 28.25) Anger causes quarrels. (Proverbs
30.33) These aspects of our sinful, human nature bring us into conflict with
other people. But if we are completely honest with ourselves, most conflict
starts within
James 4.1 says, “What is causing the quarrels and fights
among you? Isn’t it the whole army of evil desires at war within you?” Many of
us can think back to the classic cartoons when a character would be faced with
a moral dilemma. Inevitably we would see a little angel appear on one shoulder
and a little devil on the other waging battle between what’s right and what
feels good. The character would respond in different ways, bringing truth to
the old adage that art imitates life. As humans, we know that feeling of
internal struggle trying to decide between what we know is right and what feels
good. And all too often, we choose the path of least resistance. This
predictably places us in direct conflict with ourselves, with others, and with
God. It is unavoidable. Paul says it best in Galatians 5.17 as he writes, “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the
Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in
conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.”
As people of faith, when faced with conflict, we need to
look to God, seek to serve Him in love, and help build up our brothers and
sisters. Put simply, we need humility. In Philippians 2.3, Paul writes, “Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on
others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself.” When we
seek to build others up first, then God takes care of us.
I am not suggesting we become doormats or dishrags—Jesus
was perhaps the most assertive person who ever lived. But in our assertiveness,
we must remain mindful of what is lost or gained in the midst of conflict. If
we are honest with ourselves, solving conflict takes humility and a desire to see
peace more than personal victory. This is not to say we will always be able to
avoid conflict. Sometimes, conflict is absolutely necessary to promote justice
and righteousness.
When we are in a confrontation, we must remember to keep
the focus on the problem and not the person. This is exceedingly difficult at
times, but necessary when we consider what is at stake. We never win at the
expense of another. We must trust in God to secure the victory and lead us to
righteousness. We can never get there on our own. And we will certainly never
get there constantly warring with others.
Seek out the root of the problem; let go of your own
personal grudges; look to God for guidance when you must engage in conflict;
and remember above all else: “… [God] gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give
yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in
the Lord is not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15.57-58)
