Til Death Do Us Part?

1 Corinthians 13.1-8, 13

I heard a story on the news this morning that puzzled and concerned me. It appears some in Australia and Germany are trying to establish a renewable 7-year marriage contract. The thought is with 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, if people entered into their blessed union knowing there was a light at the end of the tunnel, maybe the divorce rates would decline. Egad!

Now one thing to consider is something that’s been called the 7-year itch. For some reason, it appears the 7-year mark is one when people take inventory of their relationships and must deal with how reality is measuring up to one’s dreams, ideals, and hopes. There doesn’t appear to be anything scientific behind it, but it has been noted that divorce rates tend to be higher in the 7th year of marriage. So a 7-year contract might seem to make some sense if it gives couples the knowledge that they can take their marriage out on something like an extended lease, knowing they have the option to buy-in for the long run, or turn it in for another model.

In my honest and humble opinion, this temporal notion of marriage is a problem. When I officiate a marriage ceremony, I tell every couple that their vows are a promise they are making between themselves and God. They are deliberately inviting the eternal into their relationship, making a serious promise that requires endurance, perseverance, compassion, communication, and of course, a supernatural commitment to a love deeper than we can comprehend. The vows I lead couples in taking are as follows: "In the name of God, I (name), take you, (name), to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part. This is my solemn vow."

That 'til death do us part' line is important. When we invite the eternal God into our relationships, death is the only thing that should be able to separate our earthly marriage (but acknowledging that nothing can separate us from the love of God, including death). And at that point, our love for each other exists in eternity until we are reunited to all live with God. Within this 7-year marriage contract is an interesting underlying thought, and that is that some people shouldn't get married in the first place; knowing there is an out helps take away some of the sting and pain of divorce. But does it?

Let's face it: whenever relationships end, it's painful. I think back to some of my own fleeting dating relationships that might have lasted only a matter of days. When those breakups happened, it usually hurt in one way or another. Whether it's a loss of a dream or ideal, whenever we see something end for which we had hope, it hurts; therefore, I don't think a 7-year marriage contract will prevent or alleviate any agony if the relationship doesn't work.

In 12-years of ministry, I have run across many couples in crisis – some made it, some did not. For the ones that did, without exception, there was a commitment to the eternal nature of marriage. For those who did not have a commitment to the enduring and eternal power of love, there was no hope. Now as a caveat, some marriages that didn't make it did have that commitment, but they still couldn't make it work. Those really hurt.

May we embrace the eternal in marriage and frankly every aspect of life! Looking past our own issues and problems, and into the unending power of God's love is the only way we can make life work when it seems life isn't working for us. No marriage is perfect, and sometimes we need help. A way out after 7-years, however, does not appear to me to be the answer.