I heard a story on the news this morning that puzzled and concerned me. It appears some in Australia and Germany are trying to establish a renewable 7-year marriage contract. The thought is with 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, if people entered into their blessed union knowing there was a light at the end of the tunnel, maybe the divorce rates would decline. Egad!
Now one thing to consider is something that’s been called the 7-year itch. For some reason, it appears the 7-year mark is one when people take inventory of their relationships and must deal with how reality is measuring up to one’s dreams, ideals, and hopes. There doesn’t appear to be anything scientific behind it, but it has been noted that divorce rates tend to be higher in the 7th year of marriage. So a 7-year contract might seem to make some sense if it gives couples the knowledge that they can take their marriage out on something like an extended lease, knowing they have the option to buy-in for the long run, or turn it in for another model.
In my honest and humble opinion, this temporal notion of marriage is a problem. When I officiate a marriage ceremony, I tell every couple that their vows are a promise they are making between themselves and God. They are deliberately inviting the eternal into their relationship, making a serious promise that requires endurance, perseverance, compassion, communication, and of course, a supernatural commitment to a love deeper than we can comprehend. The vows I lead couples in taking are as follows: "In the name of God, I (name), take you, (name), to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part. This is my solemn vow."
That 'til death do us part' line is important. When we invite the eternal God into our relationships, death is the only thing that should be able to separate our earthly marriage (but acknowledging that nothing can separate us from the love of God, including death). And at that point, our love for each other exists in eternity until we are reunited to all live with God. Within this 7-year marriage contract is an interesting underlying thought, and that is that some people shouldn't get married in the first place; knowing there is an out helps take away some of the sting and pain of divorce. But does it?
Let's face it: whenever relationships end, it's painful. I think back to some of my own fleeting dating relationships that might have lasted only a matter of days. When those breakups happened, it usually hurt in one way or another. Whether it's a loss of a dream or ideal, whenever we see something end for which we had hope, it hurts; therefore, I don't think a 7-year marriage contract will prevent or alleviate any agony if the relationship doesn't work.
In 12-years of ministry, I have run across many couples in crisis – some made it, some did not. For the ones that did, without exception, there was a commitment to the eternal nature of marriage. For those who did not have a commitment to the enduring and eternal power of love, there was no hope. Now as a caveat, some marriages that didn't make it did have that commitment, but they still couldn't make it work. Those really hurt.
May we embrace the eternal in marriage and frankly every aspect of life! Looking past our own issues and problems, and into the unending power of God's love is the only way we can make life work when it seems life isn't working for us. No marriage is perfect, and sometimes we need help. A way out after 7-years, however, does not appear to me to be the answer.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Til Death Do Us Part?
Friday, April 24, 2009
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!
It's nice to knock the dust off the ole blog. It's certainly something I need to do more frequently, especially since it's been linked to from several outside sources.
Things are changing! I love it. Pastor Shannon, my colleague and friend at Lighthouse, was charged last fall with making a big statement in our church and the way we use technology. Boy, has she! We have a new web site, Facebook pages, Twitter feeds, and personal blogs. The church's technological profile is growing, as are the people we're able to reach in free, quick, & fun ways. Not to mention we're keeping up with the times. It's absolutely fantastic! The only thing is I have to do a better job of writing and updating my stuff.
But something else is changing ... me! Lent and Easter did me some good this year. I dedicated myself to prayer and fasting this Lent and found myself comforted and challenged in ways I haven't experienced since seminary. God was really working within me to grow closer to Him and in my understanding of ministry. It worked.
The very first day I fasted, I sat with my Bible and asked the Lord to reveal to me something I needed. This is the passage that I was immediately led to read: I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. (Revelation 2.2-5, emphasis mine)
WOW!!! It was me, right there in 2-thousand years worth of print. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I had begun to lose my first love and it was time to realize that though I might have been forsaking my first love, God had never forsaken me. It started changing me from the inside out. I began to rediscover a couple things that had brought me closer to God in the midst of my teen angst when I first became a Christian and heard my call to ministry: music, my guitar, and a commitment to care for the temple God had given me. (1 Cor.6.19-20)
Then came Easter Sunday and this picture that was taken as the Easter Bunny from the Wyndham-Peachtree Conference Center came to offer me "Easter Greetings." When I saw the shot, I could hardly tell myself from the egg. At that point, I was reminded of a morbid thought I had while at Disney with the family last February: I am closer to the age when my dad (and paternal grandfather) passed away than I was the age when I heard my call to ministry. I don't want to go that early if I can help it, and if I continued eating and gaining weight at the alarming rate I was, then I could pretty well guess what my fate would be.
With the last morsel of chocolate cake following Easter dinner, I rededicated myself to caring for the temple God had given me. Since that Monday morning, I have been far better with my health and nutrition than I had done the last five years, or so. I cannot tell you how many pounds I've lost because I'm not getting on a scale right now. I'm just eating much much better and exercising every day. I am feeling infinitely better after just two weeks and based on a picture I saw of myself from a day or two ago, it's already paying dividends.
So here I am: endeavoring to lose weight, grow closer to God, and become a more effective servant in His Kingdom. I invite you to join me as we walk this journey with God together, for as the Bible tells us, we all will be changed (1 Cor. 15.51). Let's make sure we're being changed for the good of ourselves, the world, and of course, God!
Things are changing! I love it. Pastor Shannon, my colleague and friend at Lighthouse, was charged last fall with making a big statement in our church and the way we use technology. Boy, has she! We have a new web site, Facebook pages, Twitter feeds, and personal blogs. The church's technological profile is growing, as are the people we're able to reach in free, quick, & fun ways. Not to mention we're keeping up with the times. It's absolutely fantastic! The only thing is I have to do a better job of writing and updating my stuff.
But something else is changing ... me! Lent and Easter did me some good this year. I dedicated myself to prayer and fasting this Lent and found myself comforted and challenged in ways I haven't experienced since seminary. God was really working within me to grow closer to Him and in my understanding of ministry. It worked.
The very first day I fasted, I sat with my Bible and asked the Lord to reveal to me something I needed. This is the passage that I was immediately led to read: I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. (Revelation 2.2-5, emphasis mine)
WOW!!! It was me, right there in 2-thousand years worth of print. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I had begun to lose my first love and it was time to realize that though I might have been forsaking my first love, God had never forsaken me. It started changing me from the inside out. I began to rediscover a couple things that had brought me closer to God in the midst of my teen angst when I first became a Christian and heard my call to ministry: music, my guitar, and a commitment to care for the temple God had given me. (1 Cor.6.19-20)
Then came Easter Sunday and this picture that was taken as the Easter Bunny from the Wyndham-Peachtree Conference Center came to offer me "Easter Greetings." When I saw the shot, I could hardly tell myself from the egg. At that point, I was reminded of a morbid thought I had while at Disney with the family last February: I am closer to the age when my dad (and paternal grandfather) passed away than I was the age when I heard my call to ministry. I don't want to go that early if I can help it, and if I continued eating and gaining weight at the alarming rate I was, then I could pretty well guess what my fate would be.With the last morsel of chocolate cake following Easter dinner, I rededicated myself to caring for the temple God had given me. Since that Monday morning, I have been far better with my health and nutrition than I had done the last five years, or so. I cannot tell you how many pounds I've lost because I'm not getting on a scale right now. I'm just eating much much better and exercising every day. I am feeling infinitely better after just two weeks and based on a picture I saw of myself from a day or two ago, it's already paying dividends.
So here I am: endeavoring to lose weight, grow closer to God, and become a more effective servant in His Kingdom. I invite you to join me as we walk this journey with God together, for as the Bible tells us, we all will be changed (1 Cor. 15.51). Let's make sure we're being changed for the good of ourselves, the world, and of course, God!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
25 Things About Me
I've had this list written for a while, but after watching a Dr. Phil segment on Facebook, I've been a little tentative about posting it there. Still, it's a good list and pretty indicative of the things that swirl around in my mind.
1. I cannot imagine my life without Tiffany; no one has been able to keep me grounded like her.
2. I admit it, I’m a little nuts.
3. Being a dad is the coolest thing I’ve ever been blessed to do.
4. I love movies, especially geeky ones.
5. I sometimes get conflicted over which superhero I would want to be: Superman, Batman, or Spiderman. Superman usually always wins.
6. I wish I could own a lightsaber.
7. My favorite food is the edible kind – except seafood.
8. The Beatles are my favorite music group, though I don’t listen as much as I used to.
9. I once spent a summer trying to talk with a British accent.
10. I sometimes wish I went into the military to be a pilot and even considered enlisting as a chaplain after 9/11.
11. I received my call to ministry the summer before my freshman year in high school; I was 14 yrs. old.
12. Learning to play guitar helped me survive high school.
13. I love the creativity and freedom serving a new church provides
14. Sharing the love of God and Jesus’ story is my life’s passion, but I struggle with the organized side of church.
15. I love Disney World, and every time I go I think about moving down there and starting over.
16. I used to be a religious newspaper columnist and miss doing it.
17. I struggle with my self-confidence, and it usually stems from my battle with food (see #6)
18. I always wished I had straight and soft hair
19. I tried to grow a mullet in 8th grade and it turned out to be an afro
20. I am learning I need to encourage my son to do more social activities, even if I want to stay home and play on Twitter or Facebook.
21. I learned the only lesson I’ll ever need when it comes to honesty and integrity when I was in the 4th grade; it literally changed my life.
22. I miss my dad terribly and wonder what he would think of the man I’ve become.
23. I have gaping holes in my heart as a result of the miscarriages we have had.
24. I believe God wipes the tears away that fall in private.
25. I can’t drink caffeine after 4pm – it’s like feeding a gremlin after midnight.
1. I cannot imagine my life without Tiffany; no one has been able to keep me grounded like her.
2. I admit it, I’m a little nuts.
3. Being a dad is the coolest thing I’ve ever been blessed to do.
4. I love movies, especially geeky ones.
5. I sometimes get conflicted over which superhero I would want to be: Superman, Batman, or Spiderman. Superman usually always wins.
6. I wish I could own a lightsaber.
7. My favorite food is the edible kind – except seafood.
8. The Beatles are my favorite music group, though I don’t listen as much as I used to.
9. I once spent a summer trying to talk with a British accent.
10. I sometimes wish I went into the military to be a pilot and even considered enlisting as a chaplain after 9/11.
11. I received my call to ministry the summer before my freshman year in high school; I was 14 yrs. old.
12. Learning to play guitar helped me survive high school.
13. I love the creativity and freedom serving a new church provides
14. Sharing the love of God and Jesus’ story is my life’s passion, but I struggle with the organized side of church.
15. I love Disney World, and every time I go I think about moving down there and starting over.
16. I used to be a religious newspaper columnist and miss doing it.
17. I struggle with my self-confidence, and it usually stems from my battle with food (see #6)
18. I always wished I had straight and soft hair
19. I tried to grow a mullet in 8th grade and it turned out to be an afro
20. I am learning I need to encourage my son to do more social activities, even if I want to stay home and play on Twitter or Facebook.
21. I learned the only lesson I’ll ever need when it comes to honesty and integrity when I was in the 4th grade; it literally changed my life.
22. I miss my dad terribly and wonder what he would think of the man I’ve become.
23. I have gaping holes in my heart as a result of the miscarriages we have had.
24. I believe God wipes the tears away that fall in private.
25. I can’t drink caffeine after 4pm – it’s like feeding a gremlin after midnight.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wishes
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
May the Lord bless you this season and for all eternity!
Love,
Mark
Mark
Thursday, November 27, 2008
It's Thansgiving Day
Thanksgiving is here! Wow. Later today Tiffany's family will descend upon our home for a wonderful feast. Well, at least I hope it's wonderful.
We've been working like crazy the last week to get the ole homestead ready for the feast. We cleaned out our garage, finished laying the decking in our attic, re-covered our kitchen chairs, shampooed our carpets, and even put up our Christmas decorations. As I sit here typing this blog post, I cannot help but chuckle because several of the things we did to "get ready" for Thanksgiving have little-to-no bearing on the day itself. Still, we found unfinished business that we needed to tackle.
Yesterday, Nov. 26, marked the 2nd anniversary of our move to this house. When we first made the move, we worked tirelessly to get our house put together. It's amazing, though, how the ardours of home ownership never go away. It requires constant attention, work, and patience (among other things, too).
As I think about the things for which I am thankful, relationships top that list! Maintaining a home and maintaining relationships are alike in some very real ways. When neglected, things get cluttered, dirty, and dilapidated. We might look round and think it hasn't been that long, when in reality times slips by at a greater rate than we realize.
On this day of giving thanks, I think it is appropriate that we focus some much-needed attention on our relationships. We might need to clean out some clutter, re-work the foundations, and enjoy some of the finer things in life that beautify our existence. It isn't just about eating too much and watching football (though I plan on doing plenty of both!) but about connecting and re-connecting with those we love.
So may your day of giving thanks be a momentous occasion for you and yours! And let's keep that same level of attention we have in getting ready for company as we do once they're there!
Happy Thanksgiving.
We've been working like crazy the last week to get the ole homestead ready for the feast. We cleaned out our garage, finished laying the decking in our attic, re-covered our kitchen chairs, shampooed our carpets, and even put up our Christmas decorations. As I sit here typing this blog post, I cannot help but chuckle because several of the things we did to "get ready" for Thanksgiving have little-to-no bearing on the day itself. Still, we found unfinished business that we needed to tackle.
Yesterday, Nov. 26, marked the 2nd anniversary of our move to this house. When we first made the move, we worked tirelessly to get our house put together. It's amazing, though, how the ardours of home ownership never go away. It requires constant attention, work, and patience (among other things, too).
As I think about the things for which I am thankful, relationships top that list! Maintaining a home and maintaining relationships are alike in some very real ways. When neglected, things get cluttered, dirty, and dilapidated. We might look round and think it hasn't been that long, when in reality times slips by at a greater rate than we realize.
On this day of giving thanks, I think it is appropriate that we focus some much-needed attention on our relationships. We might need to clean out some clutter, re-work the foundations, and enjoy some of the finer things in life that beautify our existence. It isn't just about eating too much and watching football (though I plan on doing plenty of both!) but about connecting and re-connecting with those we love.
So may your day of giving thanks be a momentous occasion for you and yours! And let's keep that same level of attention we have in getting ready for company as we do once they're there!
Happy Thanksgiving.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
My, Where Has The Time Gone?
I decided to take a peek at my blog page today and realized I haven't updated it since March. Egad, that's bad! I must do better because I enjoy this outlet for sharing my thoughts and ideas. It doesn't seem like nearly seven months since that day I was out playing tennis with Tiffany and Ethan. It causes me to ask the age-old question, "My, where has the time gone?"
Recently I have gotten into Facebook. It was one of those things I ventured into without realizing the significance of what it would mean. Early on I was communicating with persons from Lighthouse, which was cool. But it wasn't long before some much older friends began popping up. People I went to church, school, and worked with. As I began reconnecting with these long-lost friends I was amazed at how much has changed. In my minds' eye, these folks are still 18 years old, full of the promise of college, new jobs, military service, and so on and so forth. But to see where these men and women are now, well, suffice it to say that it amazes me.
I have found friends who are living all over the world. Friends who are in Broadway shows in New York. Friends who are seeing their dreams realized of being attorneys, doctors, actors, athletes, etc. and the funny thing is, none of them are 18 any more! They are all a little older, wiser (we can only hope, right?), heavier, thinner (up top), wrinkled, and caring for their own spouses and children. We have all grown up ... it wasn't just me! My, where has the time gone?
When I think about how much has changed, I think about how one thing remains constant, and that is the love of God. That's why two separate connections on Facebook have been very significant for me. I have reconnected with my two best friends from high school; the gents who helped me start the FCA in our school. One is living his life as a Christian singer and songwriter where the other is about to embark on a church planting project in Thailand! These dudes, with me makes three, all followed the call God placed upon their lives to live for Him in service. We are no longer leading prayer services in the stairwells or doing music and messages in the gymnasium, we are out doing what God has burdened our souls to do. All in different parts of the country, let alone the world.
If I am totally honest, then I must admit the these two fellas had as big an impact on me spiritually as as my parents, pastors, and youth ministers along the way. Together we helped teach each other about God's love; about relationships; and about how to navigate the potential pitfalls of high school while maintaining one's spirituality, integrity, and character. I thank God for these two men in my life.
True, we lost touch after school, as so often happens to even the best of friends. But reconnecting with these two people and all the others who I have found -- or been found by -- on Facebook reminds me that my life is a journey that may have seemingly different and confounding routes along the path, but in the end, is in the hand of my maker. I still follow the path God laid out for me, but I at times must scratch my graying head ask the question, "My where has the time gone."
Recently I have gotten into Facebook. It was one of those things I ventured into without realizing the significance of what it would mean. Early on I was communicating with persons from Lighthouse, which was cool. But it wasn't long before some much older friends began popping up. People I went to church, school, and worked with. As I began reconnecting with these long-lost friends I was amazed at how much has changed. In my minds' eye, these folks are still 18 years old, full of the promise of college, new jobs, military service, and so on and so forth. But to see where these men and women are now, well, suffice it to say that it amazes me.
I have found friends who are living all over the world. Friends who are in Broadway shows in New York. Friends who are seeing their dreams realized of being attorneys, doctors, actors, athletes, etc. and the funny thing is, none of them are 18 any more! They are all a little older, wiser (we can only hope, right?), heavier, thinner (up top), wrinkled, and caring for their own spouses and children. We have all grown up ... it wasn't just me! My, where has the time gone?
When I think about how much has changed, I think about how one thing remains constant, and that is the love of God. That's why two separate connections on Facebook have been very significant for me. I have reconnected with my two best friends from high school; the gents who helped me start the FCA in our school. One is living his life as a Christian singer and songwriter where the other is about to embark on a church planting project in Thailand! These dudes, with me makes three, all followed the call God placed upon their lives to live for Him in service. We are no longer leading prayer services in the stairwells or doing music and messages in the gymnasium, we are out doing what God has burdened our souls to do. All in different parts of the country, let alone the world.
If I am totally honest, then I must admit the these two fellas had as big an impact on me spiritually as as my parents, pastors, and youth ministers along the way. Together we helped teach each other about God's love; about relationships; and about how to navigate the potential pitfalls of high school while maintaining one's spirituality, integrity, and character. I thank God for these two men in my life.
True, we lost touch after school, as so often happens to even the best of friends. But reconnecting with these two people and all the others who I have found -- or been found by -- on Facebook reminds me that my life is a journey that may have seemingly different and confounding routes along the path, but in the end, is in the hand of my maker. I still follow the path God laid out for me, but I at times must scratch my graying head ask the question, "My where has the time gone."
Monday, March 24, 2008
Watch Out...Score Is Being Kept
I got a stark reminder the other day that score is being kept... Tiffany, Ethan, and I had gone to the neighborhood playground and tennis courts for a little recreation. Ethan hovered between the tennis courts and playground while Tiffany and I reminisced about how we used to play tennis several years and many pounds ago. We had fun getting out, stretching our legs, and taking in some fresh air as a family.
After an hour or so of chasing the tennis ball between the two different courts, we decided it was time to head home and have a nice dinner together. It was then that Ethan came to us with a pen and little notepad he had pulled from his pocket. He informed us that he had been keeping score while we played. Wanting to humor my little guy I asked him, "So what was the final tally?" This was his answer:
. Mommy: 2,000,000
. Daddy: 46
Hmmm. It reminds me that persons of faith are always being watched. Like the old saying goes, "You may be the only Bible someone ever reads." The way we live, words we say, things we do, etc. are always being seen, heard, observed, and processed. As much as we might hate to admit it, some folks will determine whether or not the Christian faith is right for them based on the testimonies they hear and/or see from people who profess faith in Jesus.
That can be a scary thought for some--if not all--of us! We are not perfect beings, but place our faith in the ONE who is. Even when we do stupid, shortsighted, thick-headed things, we can hurt our witness. But it also provides us an opportunity to point to the ONE who takes our shortcomings, redeems us, and makes us whole.
Forgiveness is one of the most critical elements of the Christian faith, and thank goodness for it. Without God's forgiveness, we'd be in a world of hurt as people continuously observe our lives and seek to keep score. There will be days when we feel like we're on the wrong side of a 2million to 46 scoreboard, but in the eyes of the Lord, we are all in need of His forgiveness, redemption, and love.
Happy day after Easter and have a wonderful week!
After an hour or so of chasing the tennis ball between the two different courts, we decided it was time to head home and have a nice dinner together. It was then that Ethan came to us with a pen and little notepad he had pulled from his pocket. He informed us that he had been keeping score while we played. Wanting to humor my little guy I asked him, "So what was the final tally?" This was his answer:
. Mommy: 2,000,000
. Daddy: 46
Hmmm. It reminds me that persons of faith are always being watched. Like the old saying goes, "You may be the only Bible someone ever reads." The way we live, words we say, things we do, etc. are always being seen, heard, observed, and processed. As much as we might hate to admit it, some folks will determine whether or not the Christian faith is right for them based on the testimonies they hear and/or see from people who profess faith in Jesus.
That can be a scary thought for some--if not all--of us! We are not perfect beings, but place our faith in the ONE who is. Even when we do stupid, shortsighted, thick-headed things, we can hurt our witness. But it also provides us an opportunity to point to the ONE who takes our shortcomings, redeems us, and makes us whole.
Forgiveness is one of the most critical elements of the Christian faith, and thank goodness for it. Without God's forgiveness, we'd be in a world of hurt as people continuously observe our lives and seek to keep score. There will be days when we feel like we're on the wrong side of a 2million to 46 scoreboard, but in the eyes of the Lord, we are all in need of His forgiveness, redemption, and love.
Happy day after Easter and have a wonderful week!
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